I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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