She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
