He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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