Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
