Kiss
Puke
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
