We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
