Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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