awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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