the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As shirtless as possible
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
