Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
