so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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