In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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