it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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