her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
