Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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