Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
