guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
