he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
