you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
