therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
