No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
