don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
