he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
