yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
