Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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