I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
