I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
