How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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