Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
