Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
