i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
