The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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