Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
