hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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