I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
