I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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