This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
