omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
