Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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