It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
