As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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