***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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