Umm I'm too high to move.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
