Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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