Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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