Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
