At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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