She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
