U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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