anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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