In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
