i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
