Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
